Vengeance Man (1970)

D. Henry Levin
Colour


I’m guessing that most people when they think of Tom Jones in the context of cinema, recall his not terribly good turn as himself in Tim Burton’s ‘Mars Attacks’. It’s an odd and deeply awkward performance, which gives the impression that the magnetic performer Tom Jones just isn’t very comfortable in his own skin. (It’s also so unusual that Tom would feel the need to specify that he saw a fight in “Cardiff, Wales” – are there any other well-known Cardiffs? Any other well-known Cardiffs that legendary Welshman Tom Jones would feel the need to differentiate his capital city from?) This is a shame, as ‘Mars Attacks’ is only the late echo of Tom’s big screen career. In the early seventies, at the height of his fame, he made three private detective films. If we’re honest at the outset, none of them are brilliant, all of them are cheap and cheerful and come pre-packed with some clunking moments. But Tom, although one would struggle to describe him as actively good, is certainly a lot more adequate than he was in ‘Mars Attacks’.


Really Tom Jones should be playing himself in these films as well. The image he portrays is entirely the medallion man, the lounge lizard – all chest hair, tight trousers and white smile. He‘s no different from his public persona at the time, no different from the clips you see of him in his TV show. Yes he’s a private detective now and he has an office with a sassy black secretary, but really he is still Tom Jones. And the film should have had the courage of its convictions and claimed that he was actually just playing himself. That in between concerts, recording sessions, TV shows and having lacy knickers thrown at his grinning face, Tom also ran his own detective agency and got into the most incredible adventures. That would have made a head-spinningly cool film, that would have ensured it was remembered. But instead we have Tom Jones as private detective, Wayne Wales, solving crimes in downtown Los Angeles – and I suppose that’s fairly cool itself.


Here’s the plot. An old friend of Wayne’s is found dead, the coroner determines suicide but Wayne doesn’t buy it and sets out to investigate. It isn’t long before Wayne has uncovered murky depths, with a model agency and a criminal gang acting as a blackmail trap which threatens to ensnare the most powerful people in the city.


So far, so Mike Hammer knock-off. But let’s be honest, Tom Jones being a private detective investigating crimes at a model agency makes the whole thing sound a lot more fun than any generic private eye set-up has the right to be. The last time I watched this I did wonder how sexist a film it is. After all it’s loaded with dozens of nubile babes in bikinis, there to be ogled and lusted after by both leading man and camera. (One called Delilah, who our hero makes clear – with a wink – that he’s staying away from this time). Clearly it’s more than a little exploitative. But then none of these girls ever get topless and the only nipples we see have a matt of ruggish Welsh chest hair. Yes, this is all about Tom. There he is pouting and posing and showing off. There he is wooing the ladies (he has more conquests than a randy, sex starved James Bond would have whilst on Viagra) and punching out henchman and having car chases and generally being the ultimate heroic action man.


And he does, well, okay in this role. One would hardly call the performance dazzling. He fails to get impact from some of his dialogue and a number of scenes fall flatter than he probably would like, as for all his dynamism he just isn’t an experienced enough actor. But he has a certain charm, a twinkle in his eye and a wide smile which lets you carry him through. Okay he’s playing Wayne Wales, but really he’s being Tom Jones and if you think of it as a film where Tom Jones is a private eye who has amazing and sexy adventures in downtown LA, then you won’t be disappointed.